Chapter 3
Red All Over
Red Door
The red door opened into a room that was red from floor to ceiling.
At the far end stood a round man with scarlet cheeks, a scarlet coat and scarlet hair. When he saw Paul, he charged towards him at such speed that Paul prepared to be flattened.
The man stopped one inch from Paul’s nose.
“Welcome! I am Ponco Red, Master of Magnificent Redness!”
He PoncoPatted Ronnie so enthusiastically that Ronnie’s knees bent.
“Ponco Red controls every red colour in your world,” Ronnie explained. “Apples, roses, robins, post boxes, sunsets –”
“And I intend to improve the rest,” Ponco Red interrupted. “Red grass. Red snow. Red polar bears. A red moon would be particularly tasteful.”
“Polar bears are white for a reason,” Paul said.
Ponco Red looked wounded. “Have you ever asked one?”
Before Paul could answer, Ponco Red guided him beneath a large lamp.
“Stand there. This will help you appreciate my colour.”
The lamp flashed.
Paul looked in a mirror. His hair, face, clothes and shoes had all become bright red.
“I look boiled!”
“You look glorious.”
“Turn me back.”
Ponco Red pulled a lever. The lamp flashed, banged and produced a cloud of smoke smelling of hot strawberries. Paul’s colours returned.
“A perfect demonstration,” Ponco Red declared.
“Of what?”
“Of how quickly I can correct an almost perfect invention.”
The floor began to move.
Paul and Ronnie were carried into a smaller room containing two chairs and a white screen. Pictures appeared: a red bus, a red kite, a red rose and finally a ripe tomato.
“Choose your favourite red thing,” said Ponco Red. “PoncoVision will take you there.”
Paul was already becoming bored by the slideshow.
“The tomato,” he said. “At least tomatoes are useful.”
His chair sprang forwards.
Paul shot through the screen with a splattering noise and landed in a warm, springy chamber. Red light glowed through the walls. Yellow seeds as large as pillows were embedded around him.
“I’m inside it,” Paul whispered. “I am actually inside a tomato.”
Two white shoes burst through the ceiling. Ronnie followed head-first, bounced from the floor, struck the ceiling and bounced back again.
Up and down he went like a ball in a box.
“Stop enjoying yourself and help me!” he cried.
Paul caught him on the seventh bounce.
A crunching sound came from the wall.
Something enormous pushed its head through. It had bristly hair, swivelling eyes and jaws capable of eating a tomato in three bites.
Ronnie screamed.
“A monster!”
“A caterpillar,” said Paul. “We’re the tiny ones, remember?”
The caterpillar opened its mouth.
“It has not remembered,” Ronnie said.
Paul looked at the creature differently. It was not attacking a boy and a man. It was simply eating its lunch and had found two mysterious objects in the middle.
He tore loose a seed and rolled it aside. The caterpillar’s eyes followed it.
“It wants food, not us. Help me move these.”
Together they piled seeds towards the far wall. The caterpillar lumbered after them, clearing a path behind itself.
“Now!” Paul shouted.
They scrambled through the tunnel the creature had eaten. The moment they reached the tomato skin, the world folded like a closing book.
Paul and Ronnie tumbled back onto the Rainbow Room cushions.
Ronnie sat up, breathing hard.
“You saved us by thinking about what the caterpillar wanted.”
“Most problems look different from the other person’s side.”
The red door snapped shut. A red spark raced across the ceiling and vanished into the white door. Ronnie watched it with a worried expression. “Was that supposed to happen?” Paul asked. “Almost certainly,” Ronnie replied much too quickly.